In the know.

When someone you love is struggling, the only thing you want to do is help. However, when it comes to those living with memory loss, it can be difficult to know what to do. Between new and changing communication barriers, or misunderstandings on what to expect, caregivers are often left wide open to missing important cues or mishandling sensitive situations.

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Here are some ways you can offer to help to those living with a Dementia or Alzheimer's Disease diagnosis:

‍1. Educate Yourself and Your Family

When it comes to Dementia or Alzheimer's Disease, the process of decline brings consistent change as your loved one progresses from one stage to the next. Making the effort to be educated can help minimize surprises along the way. While there may be little you can do to avoid all that the disease may bring, knowing what to expect in the journey can bring a bit more peace to an already difficult situation. Additionally, education on the topic can allow caregivers to be more aware of what their loved one is capable of versus the things that may be too overwhelming. For many, understanding their loved one's limitations can bring far more success into each interaction. For example, if you were to ask your loved one to brush their teeth, you might be frustrated when they don't comply, believing them to be defiant or difficult. When really, they may be overwhelmed and unable to complete what you might believe to be a simple task. For a moment, consider all of the instructions one may potentially need to be successful with this daily chore. Perhaps the first request should have been, "please walk to the sink." Then, "please pick up your toothbrush," and so on and so on. As it turns out, there are roughly 45 steps one must take to brush their teeth, making it a request that might be too overwhelming without a little hand holding. To best help your loved one, seek out helpful education at every stage to offer as much kindness and understanding to your loved one as possible.

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2. Join them in their reality

One of the hardest parts of supporting someone living with memory loss is rewiring the way we interact with them. It is common for them to talk about things that are simply not true or current. For example, a woman living with dementia may insist she is not married and has no children. Meanwhile she is surrounded by her husband of 60 years and her many children and grandchildren. The temptation to reorient her is all too real. Why? Well, it is painful to realize she doesn't recognize those she loves most in the world. However, you must slow down and remember that the reality she is in is very real to her. In her mind, she isn't an 85-year-old woman living in Texas, she is her younger self, a 25-year-old art student traveling Europe. Perhaps she believes she has been separated from her group and she is panicking, asking constant questions about what she believes to be her predicament. Imagine telling this 25-year-old that none of the things she believes are true and she is married to the 85-year-old-man across the room. Then you add that she is not in Europe, but she is in Texas, surrounded by her children, all which appear to be far older than she believes herself to be. This would be terrifying and disorienting. Instead, join her in her reality. Some call it therapeutic fibbing. Next time she worries that she missed her train to meet up with her group, remind her that the train was cancelled for the day for maintenance and will be here tomorrow. This little therapeutic fib might help her release her sense of panic and confusion. Joining them in their own reality may be emotionally difficult, but it truly helps your loved one find more calm in each day.

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3. Stop Quizzing Them

An extremely common activity family members use when they visit their loved one is to quiz them. The elder is asked over and over, "Grandma, do you know who this is?" Meanwhile the entire room stares at her, waiting for an answer to determine if somehow, they might witness a miracle when she momentarily recovers her memory and recognizes someone significant to her. Sometimes she is able to do it, other times she is not. Either way, the quiz game isn't really benefitting her, it is something we are doing for ourselves. For her, it is most likely a distressing interaction that may feel like a high-pressure situation with all eyes on her. Instead, find other ways to connect, leaving the temptation to quiz behind.

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4. Keep them hydrated

Dehydration is very common with those living with Dementia or Alzheimer's Disease. There are many reasons why, for example, they may have lost the ability to recognize the cues they are thirsty, they may not have the ability to communicate, or they may be taking medications that complicates their ability to retain fluids. Therefore, being mindful to offer fluids regularly can make a huge difference in your loved one's wellbeing. There are many signs that they are experiencing dehydration like dark, strong-smelling urine, sunken eyes, bad breath, weakness, nausea, headache, or increased confusion.

Consider these tips to encourage hydration:

• offer a drink with every meal
• keep a drink in sight at all times to help cue them
• try serving different temperatures of drink- for example, if they reject ice water, try room temperature water instead
• serve snacks that contain a lot of water like gelatin, broth-based soups, popsicles, or fruits and vegetables.

Keeping your loved one hydrated can make a significant difference in their overall wellbeing. ‍

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5. Keep yourself healthy

Out of all the things you can do to help your loved one, the number one is caring for yourself. Physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and socially. It is all too common for caregivers to experience isolation as getting out of the house becomes more and more difficult. Before they know it, they are living a life overwhelmed with stress and worry with an underlying sense of loneliness. It is also common for all of the attention to be on the elder in need, therefore, the needs of the caregiver become a lesser priority, often causing them to put off preventative healthcare visits. A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association states, due to self-neglect, half of all family members who care for the elderly die before their loved one, or they become seriously ill. Keeping yourself healthy is certainly one of the best ways you can help your loved one.